* sigh * It's so terrible that I just can not consistently manage to find me good.
It is also terrible that days on which I feel unbeatable, so rare.
The worst, however, I find that I have all the people around me find so much nicer than me. (No, I do not want statements like mad, beautiful or desirable, I am - it all has to go simply because otherwise I will explode.)
There was some time ago a blog post by the sweet Asu (yes, I find them cute oO! ) that they are just great finds - from sound reasons! - And it her shit is whether and by whom they ugly or too fat (?) refers. Geiler journal * click *
you found great, cool, beautiful, and I know everything and I still find it not only admirable, I find it absolutely healthy and fine.
Why? Is obvious in itself. It is heartbreaking to nothing with her when she is dressed silly - even for me.
you need anyone to tell her she was mad etc - I (unfortunately) already.
And there lies the rub. Without confirmation from the outside, I feel bad (no, this is still °_°!), no call but I'll take "foreign" to the negative opinions To go much more to heart than a "Wow that is so cute!" Or something similar. Somehow paradoxical.
I offended anyone, it destroyed me for some time wants me to be someone to say that he thinks I'm mad, I laugh it off.
The whole can then only one conclusion: I want to hear that I'm shit. So I can feel worse, so I can wallow in self pity how ugly and fat I am. How right they all have!, I moan then. And my husband just shakes his head.
simple consequence would now, of course, just to make more sport and best at night around 0 clock Mäcces reinzustopfen in me. In theory, really easy and convenient to be not much more severe if this hunger would be for non-sudden and acute pain to do this sport. (Some women or men (?) Will support me at this point, perhaps with a sigh.)
I had some time ago a kind of "icon" that represented my perfect ideal of beauty (No, not Asu) and the almost everywhere registered was where I was. Thus, they made it pretty easy to always have the latest photos and the like to be considered by it.
She was small, creative, and changed her hair color, as some of their underwear.
Grade I just had this urge again, just older Pictures of her to look back and falling into a hole that I never such beautiful green eyes, yet this body size would get. Let alone to wear dress size 40 and still have ne giant bust (Jah, I oute me to big breasts! But only natural ... because I always say, "rather small, natural, as a big honking surgical °_°")
Um where I was ... a long story short, I find myself sucks. Ongoing. I hate my blue eyes and I let myself go so hab. My sausage fingers I go to the mind and and and ... Before I continue to bore you with my self-hatred, I would rather conclude that it is nice that came out of me the whole time ...
because my husband makes the non-determined each time with ^ ^
